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Sunday, April 27, 2003

Today was pretty boring..All I ever did was sleep and go online..like most of the other days..But again..my mom and brothers ditched me to go to some party..and of course. I wasn't told..Hell with them. I'm thinking of getting emancipated..

...Someone died at 10:23 p.m....

Tuesday, April 22, 2003

Happy b-day Annie. You grow another year older..and I missed out on telling you through IM or through the phone...I don't have a card or anything like Rasean..so I guess that makes my happy birthday saying stupid..I don't have any gifts..although I can get you one if you want..just give me the word and I'll try to buy you something over here..if there is anything here that you would like..which there wouldn't be..since the BX has really old things....Happy birthday Annie...^_^....

...Someone died at 11:27 p.m....

Sunday, April 20, 2003

Annie..I need Annie..but she's totally forgotten about me now..I've been thinking about dropping school..all I do is sleep in most of my classes..I really don't need school because well..what place do I have really..Well I'm good at playing the guitar..and BMXing..but that doesn't require knowledge on science or anything. All I need to know is how to bunny hop,perform tricks,learn some chords,etc....I hate this journal..the layout as well..Annie doesn't use her pitas page...

...Someone died at 09:18 p.m....

Friday, April 11, 2003

My life has come to an end..I don't know why I bother putting up with this anymore. I just don't care anymore..I just wanna go home. Back to Tucson. It's so..messed up over here. I can't do anything anymore because of the fuckin war..I can't go off base,like I do anyways. My mom is never home so I'm stuck doing most of the needed things for the house..My brothers are always outside with their friends. So I'm all alone..no matter. House appliances are one solution...Maybe I should..

...Someone died at 04:06 p.m....

Monday, April 7, 2003

I'm so messed up right now. I haven't been IMing people in the longest time..I've lost connection with Annie..Brooke always wants to RP..Syl has forgotten me..my "friends" have more important things to do that just to talk to me now, oh well. Life is shit,live up to it. That rhymes..

...Someone died at 10:27 p.m....

Saturday, March 29, 2003

I'm about to throw up...Yes I'm sick,but oh well..I'm glad. Not really..just because I'm sick..my mom has assigned me more chores..yes. She told me to clean up the living room. WHILE I'M SICK..I listened to what my doctor said..he said "You should stay home from school and get plenty of rest" Fuck my mom..she doesn't care for me anyways. She just got home right now and asked "Why are the dished still in the sink?"

...Someone died at 01:56 a.m....

Sunday, March 23, 2003

Damn I hate working on saturdays...I hate my family..I hate my friends over here..I hate me. I had to stay till closing time because my boss "marked the line" and I was next in line for the early off list...then when I got home I asked Tim to let me online..."I just got on!" Fuck him. 9 a.m. to 8 p.m. Thats bullshit "I just got on" stupid ass...So instead of going online I just went to bed. Woke up this morning..catching my mom going through my wallet..Pulling out all my money so now I'm broke..all 88 bucks gone. I asked her just a few minutes ago to give my money back..and her answer was "what money?". Then she gets all pissed off because I didn't do the chores,saying "The house is a mess! The living room is a mess! The kitchen is a mess!" Fuck she doesn't even DO any chores. It's me and Tim that does everything in the house,mostly me. All Tim has to do is put the clothes away and fold them. I have to Mow the lawn,wash the dishes,take the garbage out,and vacuum. I have work as well....suicide seems like a better way to go..-.-

...Someone died at 08:49 a.m....

Friday, March 21, 2003

I'm such a loser...I got Annie mad..I tried to help but..I didn't know what to say...shit she probably hates me now..she said she hated all males..so I guess she does hate me.....I'm so useless.....Well...here are some..lyrics..

"Finch - Letters To You"

Can't you see that i wanna be there with open arms
It's empty tonight and i'm all alone
Get me through this one
Do you notice i'm gone?
Where do you run to so far away?
I want you to know that I miss you I miss you so
I want you to know that I miss you I miss you so
I'm writing again these letters to you on much I know
But i'm not sleeping and you're not here
The thought stops my heart
Do you notice i'm gone?
Where do you run to so far away?
I want you to know that I miss you I miss you so
I want you to know that I miss you I miss you so
I want you to know that I miss you I miss you so
I want you to know that I miss you I miss you so
No more looking i've found her
I want you to know that I miss you I miss you so
I want you to know that I miss you I miss you so
I want you to know that I miss you I miss you so
I want you to know that I miss you I miss you so
I've gone away...
I've gone away...

...Someone died at 11:57 p.m....

Thursday, March 20, 2003

I've gotten really attached to Marilyn Manson...He's become..like a hero to me. I love his song.."The Nobodies"..pretty funny actually..cuz I was called a Nobody a little while ago..and it's true what he says..We are dead. Nobody pays attention to us..Nobody really talks to us..we're nothing..

...Someone died at 12:09 a.m....

Thursday, March 20, 2003

I draw closer to suicide..Of course..everyone knows I won't do it...but I'm beginning to wear down..There's always a shiver in my chest now. I've ditched my "friends" so now I sit alone at my own table..with some other loners. Who cares..everybody is sad..

...Someone died at 12:07 a.m....

Monday, March 17, 2003

Haaaa...Happy St Patricks day..Lol I got pinched FOR wearing green. But I don't care..nobody cares so I don't..not like anyone likes me or talks to me anymore.. ¬ ¬..
I wrote the words "Suicidal To The Mind" on my arm in demonic writing with a demonic style of writing..freaked alot of people out. Since I'm speaking of ink tattoo's...I wanna get this one tattoo of the god fish with SATAN written in the middle of it...Like Steve-O I guess. Why do I bother writing this shit..

...Someone died at 07:43 p.m....

Thursday, March 13, 2003

Slowly it faded away from me..my friends..Annie is gone..Syl is gone..Brit is gone..Only person who talks to me would be Brooke..but she usually makes fun of me..or just wants to RP..nobody cares about me..

...Someone died at 12:25 a.m....

Tuesday, March 4, 2003

I'm getting really tired of "waiting"..my grandma had a talk with me over the phone yesterday..she called from Cali..I shouldn't of told my cousin my problems,now my grandma is preaching to me everytime she calls my mom...Not like I listen to her anymore..

...Someone died at 12:46 a.m....

Monday, March 3, 2003

Well it's been a while since I blogged...I really haven't had anything to blog about...Hey Syl is on often now..I'm happy that she is happy..I DLed that song by Linkin Park..s'pretty cool..well..here are the lyrics..and I don't own this or anything..

Linkin Park "Somewhere I Belong"

(When this began)
I had nothing to say
And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me
(I was confused)
And I live it all out to find
That I’m not the only person with these things in mind
(Inside of me)
But all that they can see the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I’ve got left to feel
(Nothing to lose)
Just stuck, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

[Chorus]
I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I’ve felt so long
(Erase all the pain till it’s gone)
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real
I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

And I’ve got nothing to say
I can’t believe I didn’t fall right down on my face
(I was confused)
Looking everywhere only to find
That it’s not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
(So what am I)
What do I have but negativity
’Cause I can’t trust to find the way, everyone is looking at me
(Nothing to lose)
Nothing to gain, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

[Repeat Chorus]

I will never know myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel anything else until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything till I break away from me
I will break away and find myself today

[Repeat Chorus]

I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m somewhere I belong
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m somewhere I belong
Somewhere I belong

...Someone died at 01:19 a.m....

Tuesday, February 25, 2003

Today was really something. I got pushed,gotten in trouble for no reason at all,and of course..alone. I was about to get really mad but..I thought ahead. They will all laugh stop laughing soon..

...Someone died at 03:36 p.m....

Sunday, February 23, 2003

There is nobody in this world for me..Not Syl..Not Annie..no even Aleyna. Sure I might be lying...maybe not. Who knows..Just what I feel right now. I'm angry at the fact that nobody cares,yes nobody cares. Don't say you do because I know really you don't. Go on get angry at me..I don't care anymore..You just don't understand someone like me..

...Someone died at 05:05 p.m....

Saturday, February 22, 2003

Someone kill me..

...Someone died at 10:31 p.m....

Tuesday, February 18, 2003

Suicide is in my mind right now. I'm constanly listening to Muse..most of their music is so haunting so..yea. I'm RPing my emotions right now..with a friend. A "friend". I'm going over why I should die,why I don't need to exist..lets see. I have no friends,NONE,not on the internet not here nowhere,not even in my family. Why? Nobody is here for me.FOR me. I try to lighten up but somehow I just can't get happy. I'm sitting here right now laughing at my computer..and I'm just typing an entry. My grades are slipping and I don't care..I'll be a sophmore again woo.. Who cares about me or my grades anyways. Being dead would probably help the world anyway. Plus one for the happy people because the worthless shits are dead.. I laugh at the face of death..

...Someone died at 12:37 a.m....

Monday, February 17, 2003

Hated and forgotten...A good memory that would keep me alive...Ow..

Too bad it's a lie..heh.. She never loved me..she probably never loved me when we became boyfriend girlfriend...

...Someone died at 02:42 a.m....

Sunday, February 16, 2003

There is no use in blogging anymore..heh heh..

...Someone died at 08:57 a.m....

Saturday, February 14, 2003

Happy Valentines day. ^ ^...I didn't get any cards,real cards..>>,or chocolate...oh well. At least Annie gave me a V-day..email..card..yea. ^ ^

...Someone died at 08:07 p.m....

Thursday, February 13, 2003

My god...Valentines day is..tomorrow..How I hate this day...

...Someone died at 07:27 p.m....

Tuesday, February 11, 2003

Happy birthday Syl..Even though I know you don't know me anymore. =/...as in you've forgotten about me.

...Someone died at 03:50 p.m....

Sunday, February 9, 2003

Why can't they leave me alone. My brothers and his friends...I hate them all. They keep following me. Why? I have no idea..probably some stupid game..They laugh behind me. When they see me,they say "Wave to your brother" to my brother. I don't understand..

...Someone died at 09:42 p.m....

Sunday, February 9, 2003

I'm tearing apart..Everything I loved to do has gone boring to me..Like playing my guitar and riding and fixing up my bike..I've stopped eating food. I Have these stomach cramps now. Lol..LMFAO... I'm thinking of changing the layout again..It takes a hella long time to load. But oh well....

Here is some lyrics..

"Elevator"

[Tom]
The building turned it's back ignored my call,
The concrete looks too thin to break my fall,
The sunset stretched across this nighttime scene,
I counted people as I neared the street below,
Whoa-oa-oa
Below
Whoa-oa-oa
[Mark]
I saw it all I saw it all go down,
The shadow grew as he approached the ground,
The sunset stretched across this nighttime scene,
They turned away as he came near the street below,
Whoa-oa-oa
Below
Whoa-oa-oa
Below
Whoa-oa-oa

[Tom]
Lets forget this all move on
[Mark]
Lets forget this all move on
[Tom]
Lets forget this all move on
[Mark]
Lets forget this all move on
[Tom]
Lets forget this all move on
[Mark]
Lets forget this all move on
[Tom]
Lets forget this all move on

...Someone died at 02:58 p.m....

Thursday, February 6, 2003

I've been having trouble breathing this week..I don't know why,I'm not sick or anything..Oh well

...Someone died at 09:44 p.m....

Friday, January 31, 2003

Like my new layout? Yea..I guess it's ok. I didn't like version 6...it was kinda annoying because it was in black and white..so I decided to put in some color..My fingers are cold,it's freezing like hell over here. Well better get used to it..Valentines is coming up..

...Someone died at 12:10 a.m....